Mommyhood

Before Micah was born I had time to dream about what life would be like with kids. Well, now there's no time to dream, because I'm so busy living life with him! I wouldn't trade him for the world but it's crazy how dreams and reality suddenly collide when you have a little one.

When I dreamed of what life would be like I thought: I will wake up with lots of energy. Enjoy breakfast while watching the Today show. I'll lose the baby weight within the first 3 months and then be back to wearing all my cute clothes. Speaking of cute clothes I'll wear them every day, or close to every day, along with showering, doing my hair and make up, and accessorizing my outfit. After I'm ready I'll get my adorable baby ready wearing cute clothes and then we'll go out and about - play dates, library, shopping, strolls to the park etc. After we're out for a while of course he'll want a nap, so we'll return home, he'll take a 2 hour nap while I spend time with Jesus, clean, prepare supper, bake etc. He'll wake up, we'll play a while. Somewhere in my day I will exercise. Then he'll eat another bottle, I'll have supper waiting on the table when Gabe arrives home. Of course the house will be picked up. Then I'll cuddle my sweet baby and put him to bed, have lots of energy to clean up the supper dishes, prep for tomorrow, spend time with Gabe, and then go to sleep. Sounds great, right?

Well, then reality hit. This sweet little bundle came into our lives and suddenly shattered my dream of what a day in the life looked like. Sometimes I hear Micah stir and I think "oh, please just sleep for another 30 minutes" but he doesn't seem to think the same thing. And so our day begins. A bottle - sometimes while watching the Today show, but often he's up before the Today show is on so I settle for the morning news or just looking at how cute he is. Then I try to unload the dishwasher and figure out what to feed him for breakfast - being he's a big boy now and wants to eat real people food. So while he eats sometimes I eat. Then its time to play. If I'm lucky I will have vacuumed the night before, otherwise my little dirt devil will find all the leftover food particles from yesterday plus who knows what else and he will begin to eat them while playing with his toys. True story, Micah has figured out the best snacks are found underneath the table, especially when I haven't swept for a couple of days. Then if I'm lucky I will get myself dressed and possibly get some mascara on. There's usually a poopy diaper to be changed somewhere in there, which is now a wrestling match because he can't stay still for 20 seconds, so much to see and do! The first 2-3 hours of our day are now over and its nap time. Sometimes he goes down willingly and sleeps for 1-2 hours, other times he fusses and cries until I go in and get him out and then we play some more. Then its time for another bottle, followed by lunch. Oh, and I should get my kid dressed sometime. If we're lucky we'll get out of the house for a walk on the boardwalk before 1pm. Someday's I'm super organized and get a load of laundry washed, dried, and folded, other days I'm just happy if it makes it to the dryer.  Of course there would be another nap in there if we're lucky. Followed by more playing, making supper, eating, cleaning up the highchair for the 3rd time. Bath time, bottle time, story time, bed time. Yes, all this and I'm exhausted, yet have accomplished nothing. 

Then when I think about it and analyze the day, no I didn't accomplish my to do list, its still a mile long. The bathrooms are still dirty and the kitchen a disaster. I haven't showered in 2 days (will you still be my friend?), there's more food on my floor than in my refrigerator, and I'm exhausted. But I did spend time with my sweet baby and that's what matters. I pray he feels loved, appreciated, special, and cherished. At the end of the day all that matters is that he's loved and fed. My house can be dirty and he can still be happy and thriving. 

So I'm trying to let go of my ideal "mom" and embracing the mom that I am. The imperfect,  unorganized, showering every other day, baby loving, living under God's grace Mom that the Lord has made me to be. I'm a work in progress and I pray that my family will be patient with me as I grow and develop into the Mom I'm intended to be. 

Oh, and I will never ever again look at a woman in Target and think "wow, she could have put on a little make up or looked in the mirror before she left the house" I know what you're going through lady, I understand, you're doing a great job! Just to get yourself and your kid out in public is a huge accomplishment, and for that I applaud you!